Succubus Dreams CHAPTER 25

I'd sworn I'd never go back into my bedroom, but just then, I needed my bed. I spent the rest of the day in it, curled up in the proverbial fetal position. Much like when I'd made Seth leave, I didn't feel anything. I was dead inside. There was nothing left, nothing in my life, nothing to keep me going. Some wise part of my brain said I should cry. I knew there was grief inside of me, grief that would eventually explode. But I was blocking it for now, afraid to acknowledge that all of this was real or face the consequences. This, I realized, was why Yasmine had screamed. It was a terrible thing to be cut off from something you loved so much. To be cut off from the thing that gave your existence meaning. Hours passed, and light and shadows moved across my bedroom as the sun began its descent. My room grew dark, but I didn't bother flipping on the lights. I didn't have the energy or motivation. I don't know how much time passed before I heard the knock. At first, I wasn't even sure that's what it was. Then, it sounded again – definitely someone knocking on my front door. I stayed in bed, not wanting to see or talk to anyone. What if it's Seth? Some small part of me clung to that hope, that maybe he'd changed his mind. The rest of me didn't believe it. I'd seen the look in his eyes. The resolve. He wasn't coming back. And if he wasn't coming back, then there was no point in being social. My visitor knocked a third time, louder still. Beside me, Aubrey turned her head toward the living room, then toward me, no doubt wondering why I wouldn't put a stop to the noise. With a sigh, I crawled out of bed and stalked toward the front of the apartment. Half-way there, I stopped. It wasn't Seth. â€Å"Georgina!† wailed a twangy soprano voice. â€Å"I know you're in there. I can sense you.† I'd sensed Tawny too, of course, which is why I'd stopped walking. I sighed again, wondering if it would be possible to ignore her. Probably not. Even if I didn't answer, she'd probably stand out there all day, now that she knew I was here. I opened the door, expecting to be barreled into with tears and fanfare. Instead, I found Tawny standing calmly outside my door, hesitant to enter. Her eyes were wet after all, but she seemed to be trying very hard to rein herself in. The trembling of her lip suggested that wasn't going to be easy. And she had a glow. â€Å"C-can I come in?† she asked. I stepped to the side and waved her in. â€Å"You want me to take you out for a drink to celebrate your conquest?† That was it. She lost it. Sobbing into her hands, she sank down on to my loveseat. Still numbed from the Seth fallout, I had no mental energy to deal with this. Not enough energy to hate her, not enough energy to pity her. I was living apathy. â€Å"Tawny, I – â€Å" â€Å"I'm sorry!† she interrupted. â€Å"I'm so, so sorry. I didn't want to. I didn't want to do it. But he told me if I did that it'd pay off for both of us, that he'd pull strings to get me faster advancement and that I'd – â€Å" â€Å"Whoa, hang on,† I said. â€Å"Who's ‘he'? Niphon?† She nodded and produced a pack of tissues from her purse. At least she traveled prepared now. She blew her nose loudly before going on. â€Å"He told me to fake it – fake being bad. I mean†¦well, actually, I am kind of bad. Okay, a lot bad. I can't flirt like you. And I really can't dance.† She paused a moment, as though this caused her particular pain. â€Å"But you were right in saying it was impossible for me to not get sex from someone. I did. I just lied and said I couldn't.† It was just as I'd suspected for a while now, but hearing her confirm it didn't really cheer me up. It was yet another reminder of all the miserable things in my life these last couple of weeks. Staring at her, I still couldn't bring myself to feel angry at her. Partially because I was still drained of feeling and partially because it just wasn't worth it. Niphon had used her to play me, but he'd played her too. â€Å"You're a good liar,† I told her finally. â€Å"I could never be sure if you were telling the truth or not – but you seemed to be. I'm usually good at reading people.† Tawny smiled, just a little, with something almost like pride. â€Å"I hustled people a lot when I was mortal. Worked some con jobs.† The smile disappeared. â€Å"Until that asshole dumped me for a cheap blond whore. She had no idea what she was doing, but did he care? No. Dick. He's sorry now. They both are.† I blinked. I hadn't expected to hear that. I wasn't sure I wanted to hear that. Suddenly, Tawny's initial desire to make men everywhere suffer made a lot more sense – as did the reason she might have sold her soul in the first place. I hoped her current appearance wasn't some weird bastardization of the cheap blond whore. Because that would just be kind of creepy. â€Å"Well, um, I'm†¦sure they are. And you know, the skills you need to hustle and con aren't that different from seduction.† Maybe it was the moving and talking, but as I sat there, my sluggish brain began to stir to life and analyze the situation. â€Å"Tawny, why are you telling me this? If you're working for Niphon, he's probably not going to appreciate you blowing his cover.† â€Å"You're right. He doesn't know I'm here. But†¦but I was afraid. I know it'll all come out if you tell, and I don't want to go down with him! I thought if I came and talked to you and told you what happened that maybe†¦maybe you could forgive me. I'm starting to like it here. I don't want to leave. And if they punish him, they'll punish me too and – â€Å" â€Å"Wait, wait. Stop again. Punish him for what? For getting you to lie?† I frowned. â€Å"And what is it I'm going to tell?† Tawny was so surprised that she forgot to sniffle. â€Å"About her.† â€Å"Her?† â€Å"That – that hag. The one who came into my dreams†¦Ã¢â‚¬  â€Å"Nyx? Oh. That really is how you hid your glow. Hugh was right.† â€Å"I hated it,† said Tawny vehemently. â€Å"Every time he made me go to her so she could suck me out. And then I'd have such weird dreams.† Think, Georgina, think! It was all coming together here if I could just put my own romantic disaster off to the side of my mind for a moment. â€Å"You†¦went to Nyx willingly? To have your energy sucked out so I wouldn't find out that you were lying?† Tawny nodded. My brain hurt. â€Å"And he – Niphon – made you, and – † I stopped. â€Å"Niphon knew about Nyx. You both did. And how to find her.† â€Å"He's the one who got her to come here when she escaped. Promised her two succubi,† sniffed Tawny. She gave me a puzzled look. â€Å"I thought†¦I thought you knew all that? I heard you were there when they captured her†¦Ã¢â‚¬  Tawny looked a little nervous, like she was wondering if maybe she'd done the wrong thing in betraying Niphon. As for me, I was suddenly reliving the battle back in my bedroom and Nyx's offer to help me get revenge on the one who'd sent her after me†¦. Niphon. â€Å"Niphon?† I exclaimed. â€Å"Niphon sent a crazy chaos goddess after me? Why? Why does he hate me that much?† Tawny's eyes went wide, no doubt surprised at my sudden outburst. â€Å"I†¦I don't know. He just said that he wanted to make things difficult for you. Screw up your life. Maybe get you sent away.† Hugh's words came back to me. All I know is that when an imp shows up and is going to this much trouble over something, the evidence suggests it's big. My heart raced, and I grabbed hold of her hand. â€Å"Tawny. Did he ever say anything about my contract? Any contract at all?† She shook her head frantically, tousling her blond curls even more than they already were. â€Å"No, not while I was around.† â€Å"Are you sure? Think! Think of anything, anything at all he might have said to explain why he did what he did.† â€Å"No, nothing!† She broke her hand away. â€Å"I'm telling you the truth this time. He just made it sound as though†¦well, like he didn't like you. He wanted you to be unhappy. Suffer. I don't know.† Niphon. So many things could be laid at his feet. According to Tawny, he'd used her to make me look like a bad mentor (which I was, kind of) and possibly get sent away. The imp had also talked to Seth about selling his soul – despite my warnings. Seth's decision to leave me had been his own, true. But, I realized, Niphon had played a role in getting Seth to think about such things. The distraction Nyx had caused – which apparently Niphon had brought about too – had cut me off from spending time with Seth. Realizing how close he'd been to selling his soul had driven Seth away. The fear of how that would affect him and me both had been too strong – strong enough that he chose to walk away from me. â€Å"Georgina?† I made a decision then. It wasn't going to change what had happened with Seth and me, but it was going to make me feel better. â€Å"Georgina?† repeated Tawny, peering at me. â€Å"Are you okay? You aren't going to get me sent away, are you? Georgina?† I rose from my chair, surprised at how my muscles had become kinked. No longer wanting to be dressed up, I shape-shifted out of the dress and into jeans and an empire cut sweater. Black. Like my mood. I glanced over at Tawny. â€Å"You want to go to a party with me?† I drove us over to Peter and Cody's, where the â€Å"evil† holiday party was taking place. I barely noticed that it was raining again. I walked up the building's stairs like one going to her own funeral, grim and purposeful – and with enough speed that Tawny had to scurry to keep up in her stilettos. When I felt the immortal signatures within the apartment, smug relief flooded me upon discovering Niphon was still there. Peter opened the door before I finished knocking. He wore a red sweater with an appliqu? ¦ Santa on it. It matched his tree, of course. â€Å"Look at this,† he said sarcastically. â€Å"She deigns to show up and join us lowly – â€Å" I strode past him without a word. He gaped. Moving through the room, I was vaguely aware of the others there. Jerome. Cody. Hugh. But I didn't want any of them. Niphon, standing with a glass of wine, regarded me with curious amusement as I headed straight for him. Considering I usually avoided him if it all possible, my approach undoubtedly astonished him. But not as much as when I punched him. I didn't even need to shape-shift much bulk into my fist. I'd caught him by surprise. The wineglass fell out of his hand, hitting the carpet and spilling its contents like blood. The imp flew backward, hitting Peter's china cabinet with a crash. Niphon slumped to the floor, eyes wide with shock. I kept coming. Kneeling, I grabbed his designer shirt and jerked him toward me. â€Å"Stay the fuck out of my life, or I will destroy you,† I hissed. Terror filled his features. â€Å"Are you out of your fucking mind? What do you – † Suddenly, the fear disappeared. He started laughing. â€Å"He did it, didn't he? He broke up with you. I didn't know if he could do it, even after giving him the spiel about how it'd be better for both of you. Oh my. This is lovely. All your so-called charms weren't enough to – ahh!† I'd pulled him closer to me, digging my nails into him, and finally, I felt an emotion. Fury. Niphon's role had been greater than I believed. My face was mere inches from his. â€Å"Remember when you said I was nothing but a backwoods girl from some gritty fishing village? You were right. And I had to survive in gritty circumstances – in situations you'd never be able to handle. And you know what else? I spent most of my childhood gutting fish and other animals.† I ran a finger down his neck. â€Å"I can do it for you too. I could slit you from throat to stomach. I could rip you open, and you'd scream for death. You'd wish you weren't immortal. And I could do it over and over again.† That wiped the smirk off Niphon's face. Behind me, the rest of the room had come to life. â€Å"For fuck's sake,† yelled Jerome. â€Å"Get her off him.† Strong hands pulled me back, Cody and Hugh each grabbing one of my arms. I fought against them, struggling to get back to a cringing Niphon. My friends were too strong. I couldn't break free and didn't have the life left to shape-shift added bulk. â€Å"Get rid of him, Jerome!† I yelled. â€Å"Get rid of him, or I swear to God, I really will rip him apart. He set me up to fail with Tawny. He brought Nyx here, for fuck's sake! Get rid of him!† I saw my boss's face. He didn't like being yelled at or ordered around – particularly in front of others. His face was hard and angry. I could tell he was about to tell me to shut up, and then something in his expression shifted. He turned his attention back to Niphon. â€Å"Get out,† the demon said. Niphon stared open-mouthed. Very fishlike, actually. â€Å"Jerome! You can't just – â€Å" â€Å"Get out. I know what you were trying to do, but you shouldn't have done it behind my back. Go back to your hotel, and be out of town by tomorrow.† Niphon still wanted to protest. But then, he looked at Jerome, looked at me, and then looked at Jerome again. Swallowing, the imp scrambled to his feet and grabbed a briefcase sitting on the couch. With one more glance back at me, he ran out the door. Jerome's gaze fell on Tawny, who was pressing herself against the wall in a futile effort to disappear. â€Å"It's not her fault,† I said quickly. â€Å"Don't punish her.† Jerome studied her a few more moments before sighing impatiently. â€Å"Later. I'll deal with you later.† I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not, but the fact that he hadn't smote her on the spot was a positive sign. Judging from the grateful look on her face, she agreed. Cody and Hugh still had a death grip on me, but after several moments, they released me. I sagged with exhaustion, surprised to see I was breathing heavily. Tension filled the room. Finally, Cody said, â€Å"Where did you learn to throw a right hook?† â€Å"You don't live through the Dark Ages without learning stuff like that,† mused Peter. He glanced at the spilled wine and sighed. â€Å"Club soda's not going to get that out.† â€Å"Georgie,† said Jerome in a rumbling voice. â€Å"Do not ever speak to me like that.† I steadied my breathing and swallowed back the bloodlust coursing through me. I met Jerome's dark eyes defiantly. â€Å"Noted,† I said. Then, unable to handle my friends' looks of both astonishment and concern, I ran out of the apartment. I made it down one flight of stairs before collapsing and sitting on the landing. I buried my face in my hands and started sobbing. The grief had finally won. A few minutes later, I heard footsteps on the stairs. Hugh sat down beside me and put his arms around me. I pressed my face to his chest and kept crying. â€Å"You'll get over this,† he said quietly. â€Å"No. I will never get over this. I'm alone. I wish I was dead.† â€Å"No, you don't. You're too wonderful and have too many people who love you.† I lifted my head and looked at him. I'd never seen his face so compassionate, so serious – except when he'd yelled at Seth during poker. I sniffed and ran a hand over my wet eyes. â€Å"We broke up. This is what you wanted. You didn't want me and Seth to be together.† Hugh shook his head. â€Å"I like Seth. I want you to be happy. If you could be together without all the heartache, I'd send you on with my blessing. But I don't think that's possible. I think this is best.† â€Å"You told him the only way I'd let him go is if he hurt me, if he was an asshole. Do you think that's why he did it? Slept with Maddie? Because only something drastic would drive me away?† Hugh looked surprised at the reference to Maddie. â€Å"I don't know, sweetie. I don't know what he was thinking.† Sighing, I leaned back into him. â€Å"I will never get over this.† â€Å"You will.† â€Å"It's going to take a lot of time.† â€Å"Well, you have a lot of time.†